Apoxalypse Now Transcript
to be continued Bessie: Oh, mom, there isn't a badge for everything, I've told you a million times. and straining audibly squeals Ben: humming Oh, yes, hello, hello, this is benjamin higgenbottom, freelance sidekick. Bessie: Ben, the time has come for you to serve the mighty B. Meet me in the hive in 0-500 seconds. breathes heavily Bessie: Benjamin, I'm gonna show you something. Something secret and awesome. But first you have to swear to accept this super-important mission. Ben: I swear, I swear, show me, show me. Grunts Ben: Whoa, what is this? Bessie: This, my trial-sidekick, is exactly what I look like. A chicken pox bunker. It can be modified to accommodate mumps and measles. Ben: But you're not sick. Bessie: Exactly. Cursed with a superior immune system I stayed healthy when all the other pre-schoolers took ill. I've waited five long years for another chicken pox outbreak and this one is not passing me by. That's where you come in. Ben: I'm ready, what's my mission? Bessie: Care package, hand-delivered to gwen. Ben: But I don't want to go to a sick person's house. Bessie: You have to, ben. You already had the chicken pox, so you can't get it again. Don't you see? You're indestructible. And besides, I can't trust a mission like this to a dog. Ben: Laughs four-legs. Gwen: Nice dress. Ben: It is a smock. And this is a care package. grunts Ben: So then when there's just enough water to cover the bottom of the tub you pour in one cup of the oatmeal and then stir it every 10 seconds. Coughing Ben: When I got it, I had it for, like, six months. And I had a fever of 112. Grunts croaks ah. Ben: I don't remember any of it, 'cause I also got amnesia. So basically I'm immune, you know, indestructible? Oh, let me get that for you. Hey, it's like connect-the-dots. There's the bunny and a hat. Ooh, and there's the big dipper. Laughs screaming grunts Gwen: what, huh? Screams Ben: uh, and that's why you should never pick a scab. Have a nice day, bye. Bessie: 98.6, 98.6 AND A 10th. That's good, temperature climbing. Ben, I'm almost feverish. I require a grilled cheese sandwich sans crust. And a glass of orange juice, fresh-squeezed, if you please. Hey, that rhymes. Bring me my illness journal so I may record the poetry of my suffering. Groans Bessie: And you know what's really good for chicken pox? Watermelon with seeds that you picked out by hand. Served in one-inch balls. That's inch, not centimeter, ben. Ben: Groans ugh, mom, I think I'm sick. Sick of bessie. Hilary: Oh, you don't look so good. Gasps you're burning up. We better take your temperature. Ben: Mom, this is a meat thermometer. Hilary: Well, it was worth a shot. Let's see if I can find another one. Bessie: Ben! I've been waiting for those melon balls for 10 minutes. Need I remind you that I am bed-ridden? Ben: But.. you're... not... sick. Bessie: Gasps yet. I'm not sick yet. What kind of brother turns his back on his own sister who has selflessly agreed to possibly consider him for superhero sidekick candidacy out of a huge pool of potential applicants. Ben: Stammering: possibly consider? Screams Hilary: Ben, honey, I finally found a proper thermometer- ai. Bessie: I think I deserve an explanation. Hilary: Huh. I guess it was ben who never had the chicken pox. Bessie: Let me get this straight, I did have the chicken pox? Hilary: Huh, I guess you did. That's right, we were living in marin. I was herding goats at the time. Bessie: Yes, the chicken pox badge is retroactively mine. It's gonna right here, right here. Ben: Hey, you promised I was indestructible and you got me sick. And I had to ball melon. Bessie: Ok, ben, ok, ben, ok, ben. I'm gonna make this right. As soon as I sew my new badge on. Ben: Grunts before! To the left, no, up a little more. Faster, faster, slow it down, slow it down. Do my wings, do my wings. No, no, no, more to the right. Whoa... That's my spot. Category:The Mighty B! Transcript